My Depression is Back 17July2010

Depression is coming back… I don’t want it, but I feel like if I stop it, everyone will think I’m lying about how depressed I can get…

It makes me sad that I can’t go straight to college, but if I can’t keep my grades up, maybe I’m not ready. I’m excited about expanding my blog topics to include my median status and my fight with depression, along with whatever else I fixate on. It will be an ugly kind of beautiful, and it may save my life… Why do I say that? Because I’m on anti-depressants right now, and I’m getting depressed!

What I need is that self-discipline to take care of myself, and I need to be willing to put in the work.

Writing in Journal – 17 July

Why can’t I think right? Why do I relapse? What will people think of me? Will I be like this forever?

Sad 8
Anxious 3
Weepy 4
Headache 1.5

My thinking is distorted by my depression. Some stress lately. I matter, other people’s opinions don’t. My moods have ups and downs.

Sad 7 (-1)
Anxious 0 (-3)
Weepy 6 (+2)
Headache 1 (-0.5)

Why am I still sad? Why am I so weepy?

Sad 7 (0)
Weepy 7 (+1)
Headache 1 (0)

It’s late. I’m tired. I’m stressed.

Sad 6 (-1)
Weepy 6 (-1)
Headache 1 (0)

ACTION: Go to sleep!


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