I was reading a post about a man thinking about getting hard, and now I am so messed up in the head. The problem with the whole thing is my gender identity… It turned me on a lot, even though he wasn’t really going into detail… And the problem is that it isn’t just the girl part of me that wants to have sex, it’s the boy parts that are in my head. It’s an interesting sensation to feel in your head parts moving that you don’t have. And there’s nothing I can do about my sexual frustration because I promised Sophie that I would not mastribate or have sex for a little more than a year. Damn Catholic-mindedness. I live in a horny body!
Anyway, last night I felt like shit, and i was so down. I was so worried, and I really thought that I should get my Psych to increase my dose even though she did only a month ago… Then I figured out what I want to do with my life. I was so excited that I had to meditate to go to bed on time.
I had the best dreams in forever… First time I haven’t died in them in something like a month… It was an adventure, and so much fun! I continued it (the story) in my head after I woke up. It’s an awesome story idea, and that makes me feel good.
I feel like I’m almost too up and I’m setting myself up to crash. Despite my energy and up mood, I’m still quite weepy, and that worries me. I can’t seem to shake the weepiness…