Depression, Ups, and Sexuality


I was reading a post about a man thinking about getting hard, and now I am so messed up in the head. The problem with the whole thing is my gender identity… It turned me on a lot, even though he wasn’t really going into detail… And the problem is that it isn’t just the girl part of me that wants to have sex, it’s the boy parts that are in my head. It’s an interesting sensation to feel in your head parts moving that you don’t have. And there’s nothing I can do about my sexual frustration because I promised Sophie that I would not mastribate or have sex for a little more than a year. Damn Catholic-mindedness. I live in a horny body!

Anyway, last night I felt like shit, and i was so down. I was so worried, and I really thought that I should get my Psych to increase my dose even though she did only a month ago… Then I figured out what I want to do with my life. I was so excited that I had to meditate to go to bed on time.

I had the best dreams in forever… First time I haven’t died in them in something like a month… It was an adventure, and so much fun! I continued it (the story) in my head after I woke up. It’s an awesome story idea, and that makes me feel good.

I feel like I’m almost too up and I’m setting myself up to crash. Despite my energy and up mood, I’m still quite weepy, and that worries me. I can’t seem to shake the weepiness…

Any ideas?

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2 responses to “Depression, Ups, and Sexuality

  1. That happens to me often: a surge of energy followed by complete depletion. It’s gotten better lately though from just focusing on what I can do at any given time. So, I wouldn’t worry about your weepiness, if it seems excessive that’s just because your dealing with strong emotions and have been for a while. Anybody who doesn’t understand that can fuck off.

    So… yeah. What you can do. Not what you should do or what you think you ought to be able to do, what you can do, especially if it’s something you can feel even the teeniest bit proud about. Sometimes I’m proud of myself for brushing my teeth or making myself a sandwich, heh.

    Most importantly, try to be patient with yourself.

    Those are my ideas.

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