Potential Relapse Indecators… :(

Nearly at 180 lbs… Heaviest in my life… I want WeightLifting season to start soon so that the lbs will melt away again and I will be happy…

1. Fear of being well – I have this irrational fear that if I am well that I will lose my creativity. I know it’s not true because I’m more creative when stable or up. But somehow it still clings to me… Illia’s issue.

7. Impulsive behavior – I am sort of binge eating, but it’s not TOO bad yet. I want school to start already…

8. General lonliness – I feel alone unless someone is physically holding me. I guess that’s Bean showing herself.

10. Minor Depression – It’s just getting bigger… Go back to sleep Melencholia, I like Exode better

15. Immature wish to be happy – That’s Sleeper and Bean mostly…

17. Irritation with friends – I can’t stand the way people sound, which is a hall mark of my depression. Illia, Red, Melencholia, Ang

18. Easily angered – Over the littlist things, especially at myself. Red, Ang

30. Wishful thought of relapse – there is a sickening comfort in it. At least I know how far I can go, how much I can achieve. When I’m well it’s only the laziness that holds me back. Illia, Melencholia, Sleeper

35. Over-whelming frustration – It just keeps welling up from everything and it makes me so weepy… Ang, Red, Mag

36. Contolled relapse behavior – The excessive clingning to this blog and my journal instead of getting excercise is a bad sign… Bean, Illia

And Dark is just laughing at all of it.


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