18July2010 Paper Diary

19:10 – Bed
Weepy 2, Lonely 1

I think I’ll be seeing my psych Tuesday, and I think I’ll need to ask to have my dose upped… Even though it was only upped four weeks ago… I am just starting to feel down. Headaches. Sleepiness. Irritability, frustration.

I took a nap today from 14:00 to 17:00, which is really not a good sign. So I’m going to stay up until about 23:30 or so to keep about 9 hours of sleep, or else I can begin to spiral. I’m working on going to bed early and getting up early.

19:00 marks the end of computer time from now hense (which I am now breaking). A schedual should help my mood. Maybe it will help me stabalize.

Describe you own personal experience with mood swings and how they’ve affected your life.

Depression description:
I have a few days of hyper focus and excess energy before I start to get low and weepy. It starts like a mild funk, indestinguishable form a low day, but somewhere along the way, I escape from my feelings through sleep and I begin to get headaches. I become more and more guilty, and I get less and less energy. Soon I become easily frustrated, confused & I lose all concentration and self-respect. It gets so miserable.

Effects of Depression:
I become so negative that no one really want to hang out with me, which makes me feel worse, and more useless. But most hurtful of all is its effect on my grades. At a 147 IQ, I should get things so fast, and get straight A’s. But when I’m depressed, at times it’s hard to pull C’s decause of the lack of focus, and the headaches and the hypersomnia. The amount of sleep can be rediculous!

Future Educational Goals:
Ph. D. in Biology
Ph. D. in Psychology
Masters in English

(insert long, complicated plan to achieve these goals that I am too tired to type right now, but might add in later…)

Happy 4, Excited 6, Energized 7

(Thus ended a very down day… I was shocked by the turn around)


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