Medianhood or Midcontinuum Life

First of all, I have not been diagnosed with MPD/DID. I did not originate in abuse. And I don’t have flying toaster powers.

With that said, I’m a gateway system to a place called 101602. Part of it is effected by my mind, most of it is not. I run MOSTLY co-consciously, which kept my multiplicity hidden from me for quite some time. It’s hard at times to pull everyone apart, but I have about 18 people that I can readily identify…

I’ve just recently dived into this, so there are probably quite a few more if the numbers are already this high… but who knows? It could be everybody is already counted!

The real blow was realizing that there was no one that matched up with the body name. No one ever liked the body name, not ever. So we’ve decided that we’ll change it to Sophia David LeMorgon when we turn 18. So who I thought I was shattered right before my eyes.

And suddenly my inability to keep even basic tenets of faith made sense, and my multitude of strong viewpoint. And why sometimes I feel bipolar, but other times I’m just Depressive. And how my preferences and food aversions can change at the drop of a hat.

I’m not going to try to explain everyone tonight. It’d take too much out of me. But there is time.

But I do think that the one most recognisable to everyone other than me is Sophie, my Catholic who started the blog. She’s been asleep for a very long time.

But figuring out what belongs to who is to interesting. I started out thinking that everyong was just functions or something horrible like that. I realize that was just the first thing that I could tell about them from the next. And I realized what I thought was one was really two or three.

And I have met them before. They’ve been my first person “character” in my dreams. So I think there are probably five or so left.

Auto is obsessed with the idea of integration, and only a few people oppose it, but we all have reservations… We’re worried that it would mean that we would die… So we’re going to spend at least a semester together getting to know all of everyone before we can even begin to decide what would be best for all of us.

Dark and Apollo are a bit aloof. They’re not up for much talk, they’re up for action. So I don’t know them very well, but I know their actions. I just want to peel away the layers. I should give them their space, but it’s just something I do.

Anyway, so now you know what *I* mean when I say I’m a Median.

Does anyone think that I should rotate who is extreme front? holo’s the one who’s doing it almost exclusively since I figured it out. I supose that if I don’t let the come extreme front that they don’t really get to live, do they? Perhaps I’ll relax and let someone else come up front. holo is getting tired. She didn’t front much before, and Red or Ang really want to get up front. Their frustration is making the body very weepy.


8 responses to “Medianhood or Midcontinuum Life

  1. So, you believe that you are a median for about 26 different people or personalities or past living people? & they all live in your mind (their home) as a sanctity? Is that correct? I’m sure there’s more to it.

    I’m not saying that in a skeptic tone by the way. I believe the mind is a place. Of course, we all have our own perception of what it looks like and what it may hold. I’m not going to lie, I was kind of caught off guard reading all this, it felt invasive… but honestly, I’ve never related to anyone, until I read your entries that is. So, I’ll subscribe. (:

  2. Well, about 18 people right now. Only one of them “came from outside”, Muse. She’s I guess what you’d call a walk-in? She doesn’t talk much about her past. Other than that they were all born with the body I guess. Looking back they were already there.

    And I don’t really know what you mean by invasive… So could you explain that to me?

    So you relate to me in some way? That’s cool.

    • That’s neat. So, will she be staying then?

      Invasive is an adjective from the verb [to] invade. I guess another word for it would be intrusive. What I meant was your writing made me feel like I was reading a secretive journal, which is why I felt that way initially, but after reading more that feeling went away because I began to relate to you.

      Yeah, haha. My minds pretty complex. I’m not a median like you, but I can relate to the struggle and some of the feelings you wrote about.

      • I thought you meant that you found it offensive.

        I don’t really need to be pulling any punches anymore in my life. That’s really what leads to be depression, not being all of me. So yeah, it probably reads like it’s pretty private… but I don’t find a need to lie. I’ve been lying so long that I need to dig out the truth, so at least I know.

        And yeah, she plans on staying. She says she can go when she likes… She’s interesting to me because she’s from a world that I created… or at least I thought I did… and that would be 101601.

        She’s very secretive. Muse is her job, and I want to know what her real name is, but she just smiles and shakes her head.

        I think being complex is a very, very good thing.

    • Just a little update, we’re at 16 now 🙂

  3. I totally understand. That’s why I started writing my blog. I felt I was being deceptive and needed to reflect and realize my truth. Everything I write I usually just bottle up. Are you usually like that too?

    You created a world. You should make an entry of it. I’d read about it. (:

    hmm that’s interesting, well guess we’ll see what her real name is soon enough.

    • Yes, what I write is what I usually bottle up. When you read over my entries, you can see all my “mini-crises”. Before the blog they lasted about a week a peice and overlapped. The blog is really helping me work though it.

  4. Pingback: My Medianhood | Becoming LeMorgon

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