Mood Swinging – WHY NOW???


Ok, so having pretty intense mood swings in the last two hours… And, um, yeah, ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE…

Muse wants to come up and front run, and she’s overlapping really bad… I (holo?) don’t really want her so close to front or in front because she thinks of things in 101601 and it spills over, and it just makes us want to cry at the unfairness of it all.

Illia and Mag are upset about the overlap too, but for different reasons, and Melencholia is just throwing a fit! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

Sleeper is dealing with the stress by trying to put the body to sleep, Kat is just trying to zone out, Exode isn’t ready to sleep yet and is keeping us up despite the depressed and possibly dangerously self-injurous mood that we find ourselves in.

Slink is refusing to wear clothes of any kind, or wrap ourselves in a towel. Sophie is absolutely sure that it’s not her problem, damn Catholic. Whatever happened to love thy neighbor? Sadie’s actively ignoring it, hoping it will go away.

And everyone else is busy, away, or laughing. Yay me. I’m a friggin’ roller-coaster!

I really just need to go to bed, that’s the best thing for me ’cause I can’t manage anything productive, but I just can’t bring myself to do it!

I feel like taking one of my mother’s anti-anxiety pills. but I know I shouldn’t. I (holo) pretty much hate all pills, unless they are specifically perscribed to me. *I* don’t want to take pills! Then WHO THE HELL DOES?!? FRUSTRATING!

And the thing is, I honestly LOVE Muse! She’s such a wonderful person! But they place she is from is so amazing and so beautiful that it makes this life so pointless and ugly. I wish we could all go and live in her old body…

I WISH I COULD CRY RIGHT NOW…
does anyone have any tips on that? crying when you really need to but don’t want to?

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4 responses to “Mood Swinging – WHY NOW???

  1. I have these moments all the time :/ What I do is take three deep breathes. Then I distract myself. I occupy myself with reading, playing an online game (tetris) or just sit and listen to music. Eventually it all subsides.

    I read the post above this one, the one about no guides. Your situation is an internal conflict. Besides having everyone fighting over who’s in front. There seems to be something else that has everyone on edge?

    Why aren’t you allowed to tell them when to front? You’re the median. I think it should be scheduled. You seem like you’re good at that, or maybe one of them are? Schedule it, make it work. There may be no guides simply because most people have little faith in it. & psychiatrist would consider such a thing as MPD, they completely disregard regeneration and rebirth into other souls as well as medians such as yourself.

    • Yeah, eventually is all subsides. I had a bad day today, but I was able to sleep most of it off.

      Everyone’s on edge because of the change in meds, but more than that… It’s the whole life purpose thing. I think that we’ve made up our mind, then someone comes in unhappy about the whole thing… frustrating…

      I (holo?) can’t really tell them when to front because no one’s really in charge? “I” am the median, but why does that change anything? We’re all the median. I (holo) didn’t know this, but apparently when Muse came in Dark ‘killed’ the person who was my body name… So maybe we’re trying to reconcile with that?

      And I’m not so used to fronting, but sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s who! And it’s confusing, and I’m getting a lot of headaches… And I’ll try to see if we can work something out. If nothing else, Sophie needs to be out when we’re at Mass. Dark was in the first half of Mass, IN THE FRONT ROW. OMG, fail. But when I (holo? mag?) figured it out, we got Sophie up there.

      So it’s just like !!! all the time, but no more than usual. Actually my life is usually ?!!!?!!!?, so this is definatly an improvement!

      • Ohh that clears up a lot of things then. So, each one is the median, I understand it better now. In the end then what you(all) need would be communication and co-operation.

        Seems like holo is a common front. I guess you’ll have to take this step by step then. As I read in prior entries you’re aware of others strengths and weaknesses so maybe front them based on who’s strongest at said task?

        haha, my life’s the same way and I’m not even a median, I can only imagine what it’s like for you.

      • Just to be a little nitpicker, but we’re all the median, not each one of us is a median. That would be mind bogilingly complex! 0.o

        And yeah, I’m fronting a lot now, but we co-front a lot. And yeah, we’re all becoming more aware of each other. We try to front people based on ability, but sometimes the combos are ><… regretable.

        Now that we're really watching, a lot of common problems (for us), make a LOT more sense.

        And I suppose it's not really so different from being a bipolar singlet… But I have no idea what it would be like to be 'normal normal', if such a thing exists!

        "Normal is just a setting on your dryer." 🙂

        ~LeMorgon

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