29th


I journalled a lot, last night, on the 29th… I mostly went through my life story, leaving a lot out, but the bare bones of it.

And… its made me realize that perhaps I am the only adult in my life at the moment. And I think realizing that is a good thing. I spend so much time helping my mother, been doing it since I was very young. So… I need to take responsibility for my life, do the right thing, work through things on my own. Take control, but be happy for the things I have right now, provided through my “parents”.

I’d get a job, but first I need to get my CURRENT life under control. Establish a good homework pattern, and a stable mood.

I don’t know why, but realizing that what my parents do isn’t right has somehow lifted a weight off my shoulders.

I mean, you guys, looking in at what I have written, probably can’t understand this, but this feel very normal to me. It’s uncomfortable sometimes, but I rarely feel genuenly fearful- the abuse i get, if it is abuse, is mostly verbal. There was the black eye, and I’m not discounting that, but I don’t think it will happen again. HOWEVER, if it does… I am SO gone, no matter what it takes. I won’t put up with that kind of bullshit.

Mood atm- sliding between mild depression and hypomania

GOD-
(1) – shower
(2) – do all homework
(3) – wash dishes
… this may be a stretch actually… i don’t know if i can actually do all of that…

So- Question of the Day-
How do YOU stabalize your moods? Or do you have any tips on it?

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5 responses to “29th

  1. Actually I do understand entirely I realized the exact same thing when I had turned 14. My “parents” haven’t really been the adults in my life. I’m the adult in theirs. They used to be physically abusive, but that stopped at 14 when I came to the same realization and switched over to verbal abuse.

    My mother I try and forgive for that seeing she can’t “help” it it’s part of her disorder, I’ve had many pshyce’s tell me.

    Well my moods are raging as well. It actually upsets me when I can’t change them. What I usually do though is:
    a) If I feel low or unhappy I watch or do something that’s funny. Watch stand up comedy it takes serious situations in lives and makes it funny. I also go to my sister she’s hilarious and she knows me so well. If you have any funny friends call them up and hang out, it’s nice to feel like someone’s around.

    b) If you’re feeling like your’e in a manic mood. Overly bright and overtly on the loopy side it means your brain is hyper active. This usually makes it more difficult to concentrate. Slow your mind down or keep up with it. Watching tv is a mind number. Put in a movie and eat popcorn, popcorn is a relaxant. Or keep up and read a book, it’ll interest you and probably keep your mind busy.

    best of luck!

  2. I can deeply relate with being the only adult. Focusing on yourself is the best thing that you can do.

    As far as the tips go. The comment above covers pretty much all of the tips I could give.

    I hope this all works out for you =]

  3. I may not be DID, but my moods seem just as volatile. Maybe it’s a people thing. I don’t know. Anyway, I definitely like to “escape” at the movies. As the girls are healing, we have watched lots and lots of movies. To me it’s a way to enter another world for 2 hours and escape the pressure cooker that’s at our house right now.

    The other thing that helps is I’ve started meeting with my uncle who lives in town and (separately) another man from my church. Again it’s kind of an escape from our house being consumed with the DID stuff right now.

    Sam

  4. Oh, sorry about being the only adult at your house. Right now I kind of feel that way, but at least I AM an adult.

  5. Hi LeMorgon,

    I don’t want to beat a dead horse if you have no interest, but your situation continues to be on my heart. I talked to my wife and she said churches that have “celebrate recovery” programs would probably be safe for you even though you aren’t a Christian. They aren’t nearly as judgmental and legalistic and they understand people who have a lot of pain in their background. I have a DID friend who is a lesbian Christian and she goes to a celebrate recovery program. I only say that just to let you know that as volatile as an issue as homosexuality is among churches yet she feels safe in this church related program.

    Any way here’s the link http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ and I saw on the page a little way down that they have a link that would help you find a church in your area (if there is one) that would have a program.

    I won’t bring this up again if you have no interest. I don’t want to be obnoxious, but I feel very deeply for you that you feel all alone and maybe this would be a safe place for you to get some support and also have some adults in your life who would act like they are adults.

    Blessings to you.

    Sam

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