My town, my life is too small. I’ve known this forever, but as I get older, it is really becoming a pain in the ass. I just can’t keep ignoring this forever. I NEED to move out. I NEED to get a job. I NEED to find people like me before I just can’t take it anymore. Yeah, sui is on my mind to-night.
The boy that I’m dating is too normal, just not interesting. To be honest, I just want to mess around, and we both know that. I want more, but he isn’t more. He doesn’t talk enough for me to know what he’s even interested.
You know what? My mom said it to me today, I need to stop caring what people think. And she’s right. I need to stop caring what SHE thinks. My fear of her criticizing me is honestly the biggest thing, the fear of her not approving. So you know what, I don’t care what you think anymore, I don’t care how you feel, I don’t care how what I do effects you.
I have to stop comparing myself to other people, but I can’t help it. I NEED to be in college right now, I’m falling so behind P. and I just can’t take it. There is nothing left for me in high school. NOTHING. I miss Creative Writing, and Coach, I miss my old high school.
I NEED to be in weightlifting, I NEED to get something for LitMag, I NEED to be in college, I NEED to lose weight, I NEED to gain mucsle/power, I NEED to get straight A’s, I NEED to tear this town up. I NEED to change this world, and everyone on it. I NEED something to fight against. I’m tired of all this, the uselessness, the apathy.
But I’m just as bad as they are because I’m not doing anything. What’s my point, my goal, my dream? What do I strive for?
I hate being multiple, I hate seeing both sides, I hate believeing everything and yet nothing. I hate the fact that I’m just spinning my wheels.