Beginning to fixate


I though I had gotten over L- I was wrong. I’m still obsessing, I still want him. FML. You know who I feel worst for? By poor littile BF! He’s so innocent, and I’m like this, completely messed up. What was I thinking? Perhaps he could grow to understand me. But he thinks about depression in a way that… I don’t know if I will be able to cope with it when the time comes.

I’m at nearly 32K for my book, wrote 6K of that last night. It’s all going suprisingly well actually. The ideas dried up for about 3 day, but I’ve cought up and am completely on track. I’m really enjoying writing this book. I have contradictions and plot holes, but I’m sure that I can get them fixed in my rewrite.

But school… I don’t feel like school anytime soon, its just not where I want to be. I don’t understand what I don’t like about it. I really, really need to get my mum to set me up a physical, because I don’t know how I’ll cope if I’m not on weight lifting team. I’m really worrying that they won’t let me join.

With my current obsession with world change and domination, the paranoia isn’t far off, and that sucks. Anyone who experiences paranoia knows how horrible it can be.

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