Feel like crap, coming off that high for the past week or so. Hell I tell you.
On the edge of tears all day, and B asked my why. I wanted to tell him, but I don’t really want to talk about it. Shouldn’t I tell my BF? But I can’t tell him, because half of it is about me comparing him to L, a guy that he’ll just never measure up to.
I feel like I was born to suffer. Maybe if I suffer enough it will all go away. Maybe if I just suffer enough I will have atoned for my sins. God that thought makes me want to cry. I’m going to be flirting with sui soon, I can feel it.
I should pull out of this pit, but I don’t want to. I’m comfortable when I’m drowned in all of this pain. I’m just do damned used to it, you know?
Sui. I’m going to be sui soon. How beautiful. And to think just the other day I was in hypomania thinking I was a crusader and martyr, that there was some divine plan for me.
And L, you’re about the only person I know that I can talk to right now, and I hate to ask, cause I know college is hard, but can you save me?