Just Realized…

… I’m getting a little bit manic. I was writing and it turned into this socio-political rant that I really only write when (hypo)/manic.

Well fuck. I’m 5lb over my weight class, I have finals this week, and i have (semi) sectionals, and I’m getting Manic? I can’t afford to slow down, so I just have to manage this as well as I can.

I’m going to be having a week of glorious mood swings, just saying.

Finding Myself

I think you guys know this, but I’m trying to lose weight, mostly for my healthy, rather than the way that I will look. I want to feel good about my body and not trapped in it.

Other than that? I don’t really… I don’t really know anything. I’m kind of lost, as to who I am. I want to figure out who I am, and it’s really making me uncomfortable to not know who I am and what I want.

I’ve been interested in Islam for a long time, and am finally putting forth the effort to look into it. The thing about Islam is, at the current time I don’t know if some of the things I think are true, but based on what *I think I know* Islam might not be right for me because there are somethings I don’t think I could give up.

I guess I’m going to be keeping a log for a while, of finding who I am.

Tired — Bored

Nothing to really say today, except I’m so tired of my life…

I was looking at something about Harry Potter, which I actually find kind of triggering sometimes, because I’ll think of how much I wanted that world to be real, and how much I really hate this one.

This world isn’t filled with enough, this world is boring. Where is the fantastical? Where is the amazing? I just can’t stand to live like this.

Bleh

I just had a really nice post written catching you up on my life.

Well, whatever, fuck that.

ANYWAY…

169.6lb (though I measure in kilos now)
Depression’s been okayish
Going to try to post once/twice a week

Weightloss not completely healthy
Dec 02 – 78.8kg ?c; ?in, ?out
Dec 03 – 79.2kg ?c; 2700in, ?out
Dec 04 – 79.1kg 8c; 4000in, 0600out

Official weight … 79.1kg

WEEK FOURTY-NINE
Dec 05 – 79.9kg 2c; 2000in
Dec 06 – 79.0kg 0c; 1200in, 0300out
Dec 07 – 78.3kg 0c; 1300in, 0400out
Dec 08 – 77.7kg 1c; 2100in, 0300out
Dec 09 – 78.7kg 0c; 5155in, 1869out
Dec 10 – 79.3kg 2c; 1265in, 0886out
Dec 11 – 79.3kg 8c; 1333in, 0998out

Official Weight … 79.3kg … +0.2kg
1st Meet – 105-Bench! – Total 185lb! – 4th Place!!!

WEEK FIFTY
Dec 12 – 78.9 KG 5c; 2515in, 0925out
Dec 13 – 79.7 KG 2c; ?in, 0300out
Dec 14 – 79.3 KG 0c; ?in, 0000out
Dec 15 – 78.7 KG 0c; 1200in, 0100out
Dec 16 – 78.4 KG 3c; 1130in, 0400out (77.4)
Dec 17 – 77.7 KG 6c; 3250in, 0000out
Dec 18 – 78.2 KG 3c; 1700in, ?out

Official Weight… 78.2kg … -1.1kg
2nd Meet – 85 C&J – 190total – 1st place

WEEK FIFTY-ONE
Dec 19 – 78.1 kg ?c; 1550in, ?out
Dec 20 – 78.2 kg 4c; 2800in, 1600out
Dec 21 – 77.7 kg 0c; 1070in, 0200out
Dec 22 – 77.1 kg 6c; 2500in, 1200out
Dec 23 – 77.6 kg 0c; 1210in, 0200out
Dec 24 – 77.4 kg 9c; 2530in, 0000out
Dec 25 – 77.8 kg 0c; 2480in, 0000out

Official Weight… 77.8 kg … -0.4kg

WEEK FIFTY-TWO
Dec 26 – 77.9 kg 0c; 1500in, 0000out
Dec 27 – 77.7 kg 2c; 2540in, 0400out
Dec 28 – 77.4 kg 0c; 1850in, 0900out
Dec 29 – ? kg 1c; 1500in, 0200out
Dec 30 – 77.9 kg ?c; ?in, ?out
Dec 31 – 77.3 kg ?c; ?in, ?out

78.8 to 77.3 = 1.5kg loss
79.9 to 77.1 = 2.8kg fluctuation

Suicidal

WL meet #2

Took 1st place in the 183class with 190total (105B, 85C&J) to beat 2nd by 30lb.

 

🙂

A Little Depression

My depression is creeping back in a bit. I don’t really like I have anything meaningful to say.