Saw My Councilor…

So I saw my councilor today. She talked to mother… who let the cat out of the bag. She was overly obsessed with opposites and trauma and integration.

I don’t know if I want to integrate, and I sure as hell know that I won’t be doing it now.

So I’ve set three rules:
1. We all get to know each other
2. We learn to communicate
3. We solve all of our problems individually

THEN we can think of integrating. I think that alone is probably a decade or so.

She was very keen to find “opposites”. Well, there are a lot of kinds of “opposite”. Sophie and I are opposites, but in a more real way, me and Apollo are opposites too! Then again, so are me and Sleeper, or me and Mag. Melencholia and Exode are opposites, and so are Melencholia and Apollo. Melencholia and I are opposites. Bean and I are opposites. Auto and Bean are opposites. Auto and I are opposites. Everyone is an opposite of everyone else if you look at it the right way.

Mag had the floor for most of the session.

The councilor asked, “What should I call you?”

My thought was, by our names, duh. But Mag said to call us by our collective name. Which is okay, I mean we all agreed to it, but you’d think…

She said, “You know you can’t be really be diagnosed MPD when you have bipolar disorder.”

To which I stepped in and answered:
1- We don’t want to be diagnosed, we want therapy
2- You use the DSM-IV-TR, we can’t be MDP, we would be DID
3- I was diagnosed Atypical Depressive, not Bipolar

And she said: Really? You display a lot of bipolar features!

Mag: Yeah, I know. All my bipolar friends think I really have Bipolar II. I don’t see it. I think Multiplicity explains it a lot better actually.

Her: So when did you split?

Mag: Recently? About a month ago when Muse came in. Dark busted S. up into us. She said we were poorly integrated.

Her: When did you integrate?

Mag: Between 3 and 6 or so.

Her: So what made you split?

Mag: I think we were born that way.

Her: It must take a lot of energy to deal with that.

Holo: Not as much as ignoring everyone!

Her: Oh…

Holo: But it works out a lot of our orientation and gender issues.

Her: How so?

Mag: There are four guy inside us, and they all have different sexualities. The girls have different sexualities too. So, then, gender isn’t an issue. We’re BOTH.

Her: I see… (doesn’t understand)

So yeah, we’re in the god-damned rabbit hole. Oh well. I’d rather take the red pill anyway.

So, she wants to see us again on Monday. FUN, not.

~Dark out


2 responses to “Saw My Councilor…

  1. I already think you’re strong for going into counseling, period. It’s interesting to see who fronts at the session. I’m sure it catches the counselor off guard as well. Does Holo usually represent everyone during sessions or is it Mag who prefers to front those?

  2. Well, it was usually S (this is what I have officially dubbed my old fronter who identified with our body name) or Melencholia actually. Holo is very, very new, like in the last month. She’s never actually talked to the councilor. S and Melencholia were a lot alike, but I think she’s seen Exode once or twice (which is why she would think we’re Bipolar).

    She didn’t really ask about who was talking. And Dark is VERY photosensative, gives her splitting headaches, so she’s have a lot of trouble being up front so much.

    Mag and Holo are starting to get together and meld, so if that continues it should help some issues that we are having right now.

    And I think you’re right. It may be interesting to keep tabs on who fronts during sessions and who has problems with what afterwards.

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